fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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