the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
