Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
