i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
