Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
