dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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