Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
