They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
