Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
