this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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