The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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