Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
