i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
