Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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