oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
