kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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