dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
