I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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