Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
