Me. At least after what I've been through.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i came on her dog
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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