I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize