There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
