i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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