Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
