What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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