i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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