I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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