Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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