dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
