I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
