he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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