4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want to make a zoo with you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
