I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
