saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
