Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
