While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
