i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize