Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
