I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
