Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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