Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
