Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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