just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
