That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
