No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
