Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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