The brown eye won't let me do that either.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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