The maid of honor just puked.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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