So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
