Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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