I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need to sanitize my soul.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
