pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
