I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he wants to bone in the snuggie
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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