Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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