Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
