we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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