I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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