Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
