O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
