Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
