this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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