I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
