I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
