I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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