And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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