I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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