i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
