Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
