"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
