what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
