And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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