News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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