Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
ok first of all what the fuck
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
