dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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