Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
