I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
