I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
